What do you say to someone who has difficulty with self motivation, self trust, worthiness, or confidence?
I posted this question on my Facebook page:
A 22-year-old dancer is not as physically fit this year as she was last year. She’s incredibly talented and wants to perform but her confidence is low. She has two more years of college and doesn’t practice as much as she used to.
However, all she can do is dream about how much she wants to dance as a career. What do you say?
Here are responses from 18 different FB friends:
- Stori A: I danced hip hop for the Dallas Cowboys for 3 years, and that first year was the biggest struggle I’ve ever had to face with dance. Not only was I put on weight probation, I hardly got to perform or do appearances because I “wasn’t good enough”. I had hit rock bottom. Dance was my greatest passion, and it felt like it was being stripped away. Then, that January, my granny passed away, and it changed who I was. I used that to reach deep within myself to be the dancer I knew I was. No more being intimated or negative about myself. I worked my booty off, helped the incoming rookies and ended up performing at every game and was on the front row. Don’t ever let anyone steal your sunshine. You are wonderful and worthy. Do what you love and love what you do.
- Rhonda D: If you figure this out, let me know. I believe it affects more dancers than we think. I often hear the quote, “Youth is wasted on the young”. I wish we could pass on the wisdom of what is around the corner if they don’t snatch it up right now, but I remember being young and not realizing how precious time is and how quickly it passes.
- Brenda B: Might need some sports counseling. There is a mental block, or internal talk that is sabotaging her desire to be successful. Athletes do it all of the time, especially after a near career ending injury or a major defeat!
- Kathy G: My 21-year old daughter was a very talented dancer until she developed gastro issues. She has suffered for over three years and so wants to dance again, but feels she can’t, so I know exactly what you are feeling. In my heart, I know if she got back in a studio, she could regain her strength and flexibility, but getting her back in is the problem. I know once she puts those tap shoes back on she would be unstoppable.
- Elisabet M: Remember Newton’s law “a body in motion stays in motion, and a body at rest stays at rest”? I think we tend to stay as we are. It’s hard to change, to make that first step, to come back. I would say to put your shoes on and go to class. It may be the only thing you need and you can do all the other things at the same time: the doctor, the psychologist and the group hug. If you wait to resolve all your “issues” and to be ready for everything to do something you’ll wait too long: we always have an “issue” going on.
- Shelly B: Getting her foot back in the studio door is the “first step.” Her home studio reaching out to her, asking for help in the office or organizing their costume closet maybe even helping with back to fall enrollment. No pressure to dance. Then watch what happens around the third time. That ITCH. Then offer her a free class or two to pay back her generosity. Manipulative? ABSOLUTELY!
- Avi P: When you want something bad enough, you go crazy. Not training–It’s like a root canal.
- Denise L: She may be depressed. Instead of chastising her, talk to her and find out what the real issue is. If she’s lacking self-confidence, then it’s another issue entirely.
- Melissa W: Faith. Hope. Trust. Life is short and you don t want to look back with regret.
- Julie S: Find a good therapist.
- Tammy M: Never give up on your dreams. Anything is possible. I say go for it. Down the road you don’t want to say “what if.” Good luck. Remember only you can make your dreams come true.
- Rhonda M: She is way too comfortable. She needs to regain that hunger from something: a teacher, mentor, classmate, friend, or herself. I never really believe someone until they take action and risk failing. She probably has a fear of failure. When we fail, we grow!
- Kathy C: When the pain of staying the same exceeds the discomfort of changing, she will make the decision. You stay the same or you do what it takes to get what you want. Period. Take one small step forward that’s all to ask of her.
- Lotus L:. You have to believe you can do it. You must practice. Be your own competition.
- Suzanne M: Trying isn’t failure. It just means there’s another way to get it. Giving up for fear of failure is sad. You’ll never do anything if you don’t try first. My suggestion: You want it? Make it happen. No excuses why you shouldn’t. Everyone is unique and different. Talk to successful dancers. I’m sure they are more than willing to tell you their story then make a plan to have your own story.
- Joyce P: This so could be the story of my daughter’s life. Being so talented but discouraged is so hard to get through. Get yourself into college dance classes or get into shape through a gym or Zumba studio (dance and workout at the same time). I started Zumba at the age of 49 and have lost an incredible 15 pounds in 4 months, so at 22 you are not too old. And above all else, have faith in your talent and abilities. YOU CAN DO IT!!! (Also get yourself to a couple of conventions that you loved attending as a younger dancer to remember the fun and excitement of other dancers!)
- Brandon M: You help her discover her why, her purpose for dancing. You help her connect with that why, and if she does, self motivation will drive her when she doesn’t feel like going. I’m reminded of a quote I heard this past weekend: “You can breed a horse for color, you can breed her for speed, and you can breed her for strength. But the one thing you can’t breed her for is heart.”
- Molly M: I think she needs her teacher who cares about her to give a real reality check about what it will really take to achieve her goals. Anything is possible if you truly work for it.
What about you? What encouraging words do you have for this aspiring dancer? If you recognize yourself in the above scenario – I’m wishing, hoping, and praying that something on this list gets you pumped and primed to take the next step.